What’s the problem? I don’t know but maybe it’s that I’ve barely ever had a functional sleep schedule in my whole life.
Everyone who was emo in 2010 is now a cottagecore Mother Nature healing freak
Emos nowadays are so lame getting their stuff from Shein. Not even wearing the same smelly hoodie for weeks
Funny how old timey goths said the exact same thing about Hot Topic back in my day lmao
Do modern fridges tend to explode?
Are snow leopards in loving relationships?
I yearn for bobcats and all the lynxes
When was England young?
Recharging etheric shell might not be a bad thing to call a nap tbh
My Neighbor Totoro really feels like a childhood memory that could be my own
I absolutely adore how in Totoro it is kind of unclear what is real, what is play, and what is a dream
When I was a child I LOVED swimming. One time I had a dream that the kitchen got flooded and that I was swimming around above the sink and kitchen appliances looking at them through the water. It was an incredible and happy dream. I still remember that dream as a solid childhood memory.
I have no idea whether the sequence in Totoro with the plants growing like crazy and becoming a tree really happened or was a dream, but those kids will sure remember it as if it really happened when they’re all grown.
I also love how in Totoro there is no violence or like mortal danger. Just normal things that happen
I think I am the stink spirit secretly a powerful river god and someone just needs to pull out the bike
The only vegetables I had yesterday were onion, garlic, and spinach. What do you think of that?
Well my goodness gracious let me tell you the news
I’m such a sloth. I don’t understand how people do things like get up early and have breakfast at a cafe before doing their actual plans for the day. They don’t lie in bed like a sloth for two hours before getting ready???
…
I went to a real rager of a Halloween party. Someone was dressed as a possum, it was epic.
I wanted to be a black cat but they only had raindeer ears at the store ^^;
A few weekends back my pal from the East Coast Autumn was in town. I got infused with a healthy dose of girly pop sparkle energy and red wine. LA really is a place where people constantly come and go. This upcoming weekend my Hawaii friend Tim is coming by too. Everyone comes through here at one point or another.
…
Just yesterday I became aware of this new animated movie from Hong Kong.
It looks sickkkk I’m legit tweaking not knowing yet when we’re getting the US release. I love animation and I love Hong Kong cinema, this movie was literally made for me. Girl if Hong Kong animation becomes a thing my life is complete T_T
Cramped skyline, neon lights. Basically every futuristic city in new movies has that Hong Kong electricity from the 80’s and 90’s.
I can’t believe it’s already October. Why does time always move so fast? ToT
Life has suddenly gotten livelier. I’ve gone outside every weekend in a row for at least the past four weeks now :o I spent two weekends with my friends James and Sara since James was in town. We went to Crystal Cove one day and hung out around Silverlake the other :3 We had delicious tacos at Salazar which I highly recommend. They had a huge fluffy beautiful cat which I got allergic from petting fml.
James eating gelato and his so pretty dog Sunny:
Fall and Halloween decorations are here!
I spent Saturday at the Fall Harvest Festival at Underwood Family Farms. I got to snuggle with goats and it was the best day ever.
I spent too much money on pumpkins.
And uh, this is me hanging out in a parking lot yesterday after spending way too much money on books T_T:
One thing I love about living in California is how I forget that I am in any particular place. It’s neutral. I just am.
…
Something I’ve been thinking about lately is how it’s funny how kids, pets, and roommates alike will get excited and run to the door every time someone who lives there comes home.
I’m 30 but whenever I’m staying at my mom’s house and I hear her come home I still excitedly run up to the door, same level of excitement as in childhood. Like an old melody my brain never stopped humming. Footsteps on the stairs sing and I perk up, hear the door unlock, and excitedly run to the door knowing my pack member has safely returned.
I’ve been something of a recluse as of recent. I’ve barely gone outside in, what, three weeks now? My trip to Sequoia and Kings Canyon involved a lot of pretty intense hiking, so I was tired afterwards. I slept like a bobcat coming back to her den after fighting for her life in a storm for days. Then I got sick a little over a week ago so I’ve been recovering from that.
Something I have been doing a lot of is reading. I’ve read a whole bunch of books since January. I’ll share the two I have liked the most out of all of them.
The first one is My Year of Rest and Relaxation by Ottessa Moshfegh. It’s pretty talked about so you’ve likely heard of it. It’s about a lady whose wealthy parents recently died and she’s sick of life so she decides to take a bunch of pills to essentially sleep for an entire year. It seemed fitting to read now, since I’m currently taking time off for rest and relaxation myself. I read the whole book in one night and then immediately started rereading it the very next day.
First of all, the book is very absurdist and absolutely hilarious. I don’t think I’ve read another book that’s made me laugh out loud as much. I loved the sheer ridiculousness. The absurdity of the dialogue, especially between the main character and her psychiatrist, is top tier.
Second of all, I actually found the main character extremely relatable. I’m not a rich wasp who ostensibly looks like a super model without trying, and hopefully I’m less of a bitch to the people in my life. But I think there’s something really relatable about wanting to tap out for a while and not care about what goes on in the world. I also relate to her being fed up with the pretentious nonsense that goes on in the art world, her field of profession. After spending way too much time in academia for my own good, I’m intimately familiar with that feeling of a piece being “all nonsense of course”.
The second book I absolutely loved is Words of Radiance by Brandon Sanderson. It is the second book in The Stormlight Archive. It is an extremely in depth epic fantasy series that revolves around themes of what it is to be honorable and what it means to do the right thing, with some very sexy handsome knights in shining armor and insane character arcs. I did love the first book in the series, but it had some serious pacing issues and moved extremely slowly for a large part of the book. The second book, however, had none of those issues.
Boy let me tell you I’ve been searching for a book that would make me feel this much. I remember being 12, waking up early to watch the new episodes of Avatar the Last Airbender every Saturday and Sunday morning at 9. As soon as an episode was over, I would throw myself on the phone to call my friend to discuss the episode. I don’t know if I’ve ever been as immersed in a story since then, until now. I dream of Shallan and Kaladin at night. Instead of cursing, my inner voice goes “Storms!” and “Almighty above”.
I loved it. What else is there to say?
I’ve also been searching hard for new music to listen to. I haven’t had much luck in finding new artists lmao, so I eventually ended up going back to a bunch of artists I’ve liked in the past but haven’t listened to in a while.
I used to listen to Jimi Hendrix a lot around middle school, so that’s one artist I’ve been rediscovering. I’m not someone who knows a lot about music, so when someone says an artist is a genius or an album is a masterpiece I’ll take their word for it, cause I usually can’t tell. Whenever I listen Jimi Hendrix’s instrumentals though, I can hear loud and clearly that this is special and a big deal.
I was a huge fan of The Pretty Reckless around high school, and they’ve had a lot of new releases since then I’ve been catching up on, I’m obseeessed with the guitar riff in this song:
I did discover that I’ve been sleeping on Bella Poarch, though. I looove her EP, Dolls. The songs combined with the music videos create a highly entertaining story arc. I love how the vibe is similar to that movie, Sucker Punch. Also reading her personal stories behind each song was heartbreaking, as well as adding more depth to the listening experience.
Get off your seat, on your feat, raise your hands, feel the beat, let it go, lose control, feel it in your soul
I’ve been obsessed with bold color combinations lately. And I love the feeling of cutting up paper, unscrewing the lid of my glue stick, and taping washi tape to stuff.
The sun peeking out behind the cloud is a design by ah choux! cafe (www.achoux.cafe).
Another post within just a couple days for once? Why not!
I’ve been meaning to write this one for a while now. As I’ve mentioned many times before, I am burnt out. And when I say burnt out, I mean diagnosed with medical burnout by a doctor. Until just a little while ago, I was so mentally fucked up I couldn’t even read my own mail. I had to have a friend read it and summarize the contents for me. So far 2025 has been all about rest and recovery for me. (Shout out to Medicaid for insuring people like me who literally physically CANNOT work, and which should absolutely not be defunded!!!)
I want to share this video, which has been a huge inspiration for me when it comes to changing my priorities regarding my health and move away from my workaholic personality. Seriously, it has helped me more than any therapist or self help advice when it comes to chilling the fuck out.
I love both The Bear and Perfect Days, and comparing the protagonists like this really made things click for me. The video does contain one spoiler for The Bear season 2, so if you haven’t watched that season yet and are sensitive to spoilers, I wouldn’t watch the video yet. But I hadn’t seen the show yet when first watching this video and it’s a reeelatively minor spoiler, so it didn’t ruin my experience of the show. So it’s up to you -
Also here’s a picture of me on a cloudy day in Malibu from a while ago:
Someone once said that experiencing nostalgia is proof that your life is special and meaningful and worth living.
You know how our phones put together these little video collages from the camera roll, with music and stuff? Well I got one like a week ago titled “Life in Honolulu”. It was just pictures and video clips like random selfies and some goofy moments with friends. No epic mountain ridges or anything. Probably not what I would’ve included if I had made a My Time in Hawaii type video collage myself.
But I got flooded with nostalgia. Simply from the fact that it was a life and I lived it. It made me happy because my life in Hawaii was full of frustrations and I was just so. over. worked, but the nostalgia confirmed what I did know at the time; that I’d be able to appreciate that life for what it was more once I got some distance.
Do I have anything to write about? Not really. Nothing other than that I’ve decided to make an effort to be wild and free this summer. Lots of swimming, lots of hiking, lots of monkey bars. I’m going to Sequoia and Kings Canyon later this week. Fun! Gotta spend as much time as possible in the national parks while we still can, ya know?
Laguna and the San Gabriel Mountains last week, specifically Treasure Island Beach and Josephine Peak:
Why is hearing airplanes outside your window so comforting? You’d think it’d feel industrial and uncomfortable like the sound of cars.
Instead it feels poetic, evoking the vastness of the sky, leaves swaying softly in a summer breeze, the sun hitting the ground where lizards scamper.
…
Time flies past me so quickly. It’s already more than halfway through May. I don’t do much and so this has got to be the fastest five months I’ve ever experienced. But I’m comfortable. I like it this way. I don’t go any farther than the local park on most days. I’m happy.
My daily routine is sweet. I wake up and have my cup of Ryze Mushroom Chai. Then I sit around and do nothing for a while, as in I listen to music and/or stare into space. Then I go to the park and hang from the monkey bars for a little while, until I feel tired and walk back home. I may also do some push-ups or something. A couple times a week I try to take longer walks to not die from lack of exercise.
Then I do nothing for a little while again until I get hungry and have a snack. Then engage in creative pursuits for a few hours. I have dinner with my roommate. Then maybe I’ll be creative some more or read a book or something depending on what I feel like. I’m currently enjoying Brandon Sanderson’s The Way of Kings ^^ (Dalinar is a DILF)
I’ll share some old songs I’ve been bopping to lately ~
In December 2018, I was living in Hokkaido. I was having a sad and miserable few months and going through a rough time. Some friends that I had made while living in Yokohama happened to be in town in Sapporo at the time, so we hung out. It really cheered me up so I ended up going back with them to Tokyo over the winter break. We had a lot of fun. I saw friends I hadn’t seen in a long time. We went on a tour bus to Utsunomiya, which is a small town outside Tokyo that’s famous for gyoza dumplings and strawberries. The tour included trying dumplings and a strawberry picking thing. It was a lot of fun and is still a memory I cherish.
On the same trip, I ended up going to one of those hedgehog cafes. I was pretty excited before going, cause I really like hedgehogs. But the place really sucked. It was loud and crowded and bright and kids were screaming - the complete opposite of the kind of environment hedgehogs thrive in. It was really depressing. I felt really bad about having given money to a business profiting off animal abuse.
I remember standing on the train that night, looking at my own reflection in the window. I felt empty. I was overwhelmed by the feeling that all I was doing was consume. I was trying to feel better by having interesting experiences, but all these “experiences” were just consumption and not real.
I was drawing a whole lot after that. I even made an art account on instagram (that I ended up abandoning pretty quickly lol). I started learning Cantonese more seriously. It was fun.
As you know, I spent a week in New York a while ago. Toward the end of the trip I started having that overwhelming feeling again, that I was just consuming. Trying foods, seeing beautiful places, it’s all great. But something was itching below the surface. So as soon as I got back home I dove into creative pursuits, including this quick drawing:
And more stuff I won’t show cause it’s secret (like gifts to people)^^
This is the bowl carved out of redwood that my uncle gifted me when we visited the mighty redwood forest of Muir Woods.
It whispers all the secrets of my heart. What does it want me to remember? To touch the bark of the redwoods. To rub my cheek against all that is soft and smooth and lovely. The sound of my nails tapping against the wood. The feeling of the touch of the soil that loves me.
What was the bowl before it was carved? A redwood tree: the most sacred of beings, the kings and queens of this realm. Who touched it then? Who sat beneath it? Did I in a past life touch the bark of the tree that spread and later created this tree?
What does the bowl say your hands were made for? Touching, feeling the roughness of the earth and all of its creations.
Maybe in a previous life I grew up beneath the redwoods, but forgot their sacredness. So in this life I had to grow up yearning, in order to learn to appreciate their gifts. In this life, I touch the bark with reverence and listen to a bowl that whispers.
At that time, this town really felt like it was my own
Today I would like to share this fun game of Never Have I Ever - Japan study abroad edition I played with my sweet and charming friend Carolyn in Brand Park last week :D The Japanese tea house in the park is so pretty and sitting on a picnic blanket next to it and yapping was such a lovely way to spend my day. The video’s in Japanese with English subtitles :D
You absolutely have to check out her other videos as well. Her channel is incredible. She chronicles her time studying abroad in Tokyo, falling in love with the city, and experiencing reversed culture shock after coming back home. The story telling is beyond what I have ever seen in any other youtube vlogs. I really recommend going back and watching all her videos in order, as if watching a tv show (once you’ve watched our video first hehe). It reminds me a lot of the vibe of Nana. Youth, longing, yearning, heart-tugging nostalgia, friends, favorite places, music, fashion, magic. Anyone who has ever had to be painfully far away from a place they love may find consolation.
The videos are also full of tips for fun places, trendy stores, and cafes to visit around Tokyo, Kansai, and LA! It is also very rewarding seeing her Japanese gradually improve over time. Super encouraging for anyone learning a language.
Ok I’m gonna share my favorite video that has probably made me cry more than once. But I still recommend watching it after the ones leading up to it for the full emotional experience.
And if you’re in LA, I highly recommend having a picnic next to the Japanese tea house in Brand Park on your next sunny day off^^
Now, let’s see. I recently, well, a month ago, spent a week in New York City. It was my very first time and I observed that it is indeed the greatest city in the world. I was in awe. Similar to seeing great natural monuments. Like not necessarily the best or most perfect city, just the greatest and mightiest. Completely in awe at its sheer relevance to humanity. Lives and generations stacked together like an epic museum. I saw so many George Costanza type characters, which was very exciting to me.
I loved strolling around and discovering pretty city parks I had never heard of.
Most of the food I had was pretty mid though :/ I had two bagels and they weren’t even that great. I had good falafel twice though!
I’ve never really had a great desire to go to NYC before but it’s fun to have seen and I got to see my good friend Gaylen for the first time in 5 (!!!!) years. Way too noisy for me though, living there would be hell. I was very happy to be back in LA after the trip was over :)
Helloooo. It’s been a while, again -.-’ I have spent the past week in the San Francisco Bay Area, visiting friends and family! Gosh it’s so freeing to be somewhere that’s walkable and where you can easily get around with public transit, unlike LA and Honolulu ^^; I love it here so much and nature is so beautiful but gosh why does it have to be so COLD? T_T I’ve been wearing a winter coat every single day I’ve been here.
I went to Muir Woods for the first time today and omg I loved it so much! I’ve always loved redwood trees and the ones there are EPIC. My uncle and I kind of wandered into the park aimlessly and ended up on an absolutely beautiful hiking trail. I think it was called the Redwood Canopy trail or something like that. It connected to lots of different trails and we just kind of went where we felt like in the moment. Including one trail called something like Panoramic trail and it was soooo beautiful. My uncle also got me a little bowl thingy carved out of redwood and ah I love it so much T__T <3 Definitely one of my most prized possessions. Redwood trees are something that means so much to me. They represent something like strength, happiness, nostalgia, adventure, and wonder all at the same time. I will show pictures some other time^^
What else? Before going on this trip, I started going to a local park in LA, just to hang out. I bring a picnic blanket and just do the same things I would’ve done if I was in my house. Journal, reply to texts, sip on water, what have you. I enjoy the sounds of birds chirping, the warm pattern the sun creates over the grass, clovers, the picnic blanket, and the pages of my book. The jingle of dog collars, the sound of children’s footsteps as they run and play. My fingertips slowly getting colder as afternoon begins to turn into evening.
Hi. I’m Heza. I live among citrus trees and flower fields. I want to
post things on the internet, so I’ve made an old-timey blog. I like native plants,
being in nature, cute outfits, fun adventures with friends, and snacks.
Comments or questions? Send them my way in an email! Interesting comments can get shared in a post (if it's okay with you).
