hezatown

We were happy the way children are who have been separated and are together again

2025-01-02 permalink

We have a lot to talk about. Happy new year!

I’m in Sweden for three weeks.

I will share some pictures from new year’s:

Old faces, new faces, traditional Russian new year’s wishes. All so very special I must write about it.

I looked out the window at the falling snow as everyone was singing weird old Russian songs. It was monumental, I felt it in my chest.

The end of an era, a chapter? The end of a whole fucking book.

It’s brutal out here

2025-01-03 permalink

As I said, we have a lot to talk about. I’ll let you know when I can think of what it is.

I’m in Sweden for three weeks.Which also happens to be where I grew up and lived age 0-19. It’s been good and shocking. Jet lag’s been brutal, the abrupt change in temperature after CONSTANTLY being overheated for the past six months has been brutal, winter darkness has been brutal… Hawaii’s made me weak. But I’m having fun.

I’ve got pics from the last week:

I need to share my very awesome 2010-core ootd from the other day:

I had forgotten what a project shimmying into skinny jeans every morning used to be.

An old calm sets in each time I settle down in my seat, bury my face in my scarf, and gaze out over familiar gray landscapes through the train window.

I love the cracks in the sidewalk

2025-01-06 permalink

I have received complaints from friends that I don’t update often enough and also that it feels like something is “missing” in the information I present. I shall reflect on this. Feel free to send questions or requests for things to write about.

I am finished with Hawaii for now. See these beautiful pictures from a beautiful day:

I was so touched by all my friends ;__; I guess I didn’t realize how many people ended up becoming important to me over time. Maybe I’ll write some reflections on my two years on Oahu someday. If I can think of something good to say, I suppose.

I guess I should write some kind of 2024 reflections? 2024 was rough and dull and lame but also very good, at times an exquisetly never ending deep blue pond of mysteries and wonder. My favorite things have included tarot cards, guided journals, turmeric, Zoloft, probiotics, this here bloggi and general creative writing stuff, stop signs, rediscoverinig reading for pleasure and starting to read fantasy books again (I’m currently about halfway through The Priory of the Orange Tree :3), tennis, marmots, my national parks stamp book, and all my little friends of course.

I will share these pictures from a very special day at the Glendale Americana in August, and let it represent my 2024 ~ It may not have been that exotic, adventurous, or exciting of a day. But there was no where else in the world I would’ve rather been. It is precisely the mundane and ordinary that my heart yearns for and cherishes.

Himlen är oskyldigt blå

2025-01-12 permalink

I’m still in Sweden ~ The plan was to go back to LA on this upcoming Thursday. We’ll see if I do or if it’ll make more sense to stay here a little longer until things calm down. All my friends are safe for now at least.

I’m exhausted and anxious. I miss LA so much and just want to go home. Trying to avoid sensationalist media reports while still keeping up to date. Distracting myself with little activities.

But Sweden’s been good. It’s been nice to just sleep and read and make little plans with my little friends. I’m basically a tourist so I’m taking pictures of everything.

I was going for a Saltkråkan kind of vibe with this outfit.

I see the world as an ancient place

2025-01-14 permalink

I long for California’s deep mountains and mighty trees. I see it before me every time I close my eyes.

I long to breathe in the smell of the redwood forest.

Ah California, I love you more than anyone will ever understand.

Existential dread

2025-01-19 permalink

Suddenly a flash from Ofuna station. Two giant suitcases, wind in my hair from a vanished age.

Drowning in memories of all the times and places that have been. It’s so hard to process and comprehend how they all can be real. I don’t understand how chilly winds in my hair at Ofuna station and mailing boxes to a burning LA can coexist in the same life.

These memories that constantly run through my head, they break me down. It would be easier to just forget, to delete every experience I’ve ever had, than to try to understand how these different dynasties fit together in the same life.

There’s a fog upon LA.

Final moments of my old life

2025-01-19 permalink

A lot of visitors from around the world like to go on about how Hawaii is a healing place. I don’t know how I feel about it. I may mainly associate Hawaii with stress and overwork and drain and feeling trapped. Trapped in a windowless office, on campus, on a tiny island in the ocean. A “paradise” that’s sad and drained and slowly bleeding dry and all the corals are dead.

But it’s true that I’ve changed a lot for the better since first setting my foot on Oahu a little over two years ago. When I got there I was extremely closed off, obsessed with proving myself, and thinking the right to be alive was something I needed to earn. I’ve calmed down quite drastically since then.

The last four months or so I have been discovering so many depths and layers to myself. There’s so much more of me than I could have ever imagined, like a deep blue never ending pool. I’ve been discovering so many amazing things about life lately T_T Guided journals, tarot, probiotics, and turmeric??? Bro why did all these things go unnoticed by me for so long

The mountains and the world have been stunning. I’ve been WRITING. In my guided journal and I love it so much. I love the feeling of the pen rolling over the paper.

I honestly didn’t know life could feel this way.

Now, how much the island has had to do with it, I can’t tell.

My last time playing tennis before leaving took place in the dark, because we couldn’t turn the lights on. It did make it more special, I suppose. And interesting. And hard. And fun!

Catching the sunset from the Kuliouou Ridge Trail. Highly recommend!

Bidding a final farewell to my favorite pipes I passed every day.

Let me introduce you to my party people

2025-01-20 permalink

As you may or may not have gathered, I am back in LA. I’ve mostly been going to Ikea and Target and stumbling over moving boxes. The world is overwhelmingly ordinary and it’s COLD. Hawaii really has ruined my tolerance :(

Being in Sweden was more fun than expected (but I don’t think I’ll visit in December again, ugh -.-). Maybe I’ll convert to sporting a cute Scandi style and learn to sail or whatever Scandi girls do.

Like always when about to leave somewhere for a long time, I spent the last few days of the trip making sure to eat all my favorite foods that I won’t be able to have.

Let me introduce semla. It’s a pastry that’s everywhere around January-March. It has its own day in like February, which sometimes falls on my birthday. It’s something you enjoy as darkness finally begins to move towards light and spring. You start seeing them in stores and cafes and know that the worst of winter is over. I had one last week for the first time in yearsss.

Typical ones are just a bun, whipped cream, and some type of almond goo. But I saw a lot of new variations this year. I tried a pistachio variation (the one in the picture above), and it was incredible.

Next, cinnamon buns. Can’t leave Sweden without having real cinnamon buns, obviously.

This next one isn’t like a traditional food or anything as far as I know, but it’s the best food in the history of ever and you can’t change my mind. I call it oreganoklet.

It is:

Rice

Whatever protein you want (my go to is quorn which is kind of a vegetarian chicken-esque thing, but chicken or tofu or something like that works too)

In a sauce made from:

Cooking cream (I like to use Oatley’s cooking cream but I haven’t seen it anywhere here D: )

Vegetable bouillon

A little bit of balsamic vinegar (like a couple table spoons)

A bunch of dried oregano (Maybe like a cup? Idk I always just eye it)

Just fry your quorn/chicken/tofu/whatever with salt and black peppar until it’s nice, then put it in the sauce, mix it all together, and boil on low heat with a lid on for 3 minutes :D

I submitted oreganoklet to a cooking contest in high school once and didn’t win anything. Clearly they have no class nor style -__-

HOKKAIDO!

2025-01-23 permalink

It’s strange. Once I finished writing this post, I… I don’t know. I came across these images of Sapporo on Pinterest a while ago. I’ve never seen a city look so subtly mesmerizing before.

From honeydecelis on Pinterest

From japankoofficial on Pinterest

From linviena on Pinterest

From edit_heysmile on Pinterest

From vimiaan on Pinterest

Hahahhahaha always seeing people riding bikes in the snow. Life in Sapporo to a t.

Isn’t there something so special about these images?

I spent around four days in Hokkaido in December 2023. It was my first time ever being there without living there. It was a little strange. But so much fun to just experience it as a tourist (even though I got triggered into oblivion by a mean post office lady…). Very different from having to go to class in the snow everyday.

I have a lot of confusion and grief about my years spent there, but I would love to one day be able to say that I love Hokkaido without feeling conflicted about it. Maybe I am slowly beginning to be able to view it as another subtly magical chapter in the fabric of my existence. Because I really do have so much love for snowy and wild Hokkaido.

Also, this song still slaps. My mouth suddenly tastes like Tantakatan.

Townie

2025-01-24 permalink

Sometimes I set a timer and just sit and stare out my window.

Honolulu. A city like any other. Cars and roads getting people where they need to go.

It helps me clear my head.

What will you do with this one wild and precious life?

2025-01-27 permalink

Today is a day of cold hands and damp sheets.

The hills are happy as they soak up the moist from yesterday’s rainfall.

I sleep a lot and the dark circles around my eyes are deep. The rain made me so tired.

But the hills are happy and the sky is blue.

Maybe I will go outside later and notice things.

…

Since I’ve been talking up guided journals a lot, I though I’d share one I recently acquired:

It doesn’t have any explicit prompts or anything, but poems from the poet Mary Oliver. You can let her words evoke feelings or reactions and just write them right there. And the illustrations are beautiful.

Don’t wake me up, I’m not dreaming

2025-01-29 permalink

Hi. I’ve been SO tired ever since I got back to LA. I moved into a new place and haven’t been going out much other than furniture stores etc. I’ve been escaping into my inner world. Sleeping a lot, reading a lot, working hard on a playlist with my current favorite songs. And impulse buying books with pretty covers and more guided journals hehe.

Since I’m showing things I bought, let me also show this incredible lamp I found in a vintage store.

My first knick-knack for my new home! San Francisco is a place very close to my heart, so I immediately got it. I’m so glad I stumbled upon it.

Also, here’s my lunch from yesterday:

I put turmeric on almost everything I eat. It really makes a huge difference for my energy levels.