Final moments of my old life
2025-01-19 permalink
A lot of visitors from around the world like to go on about how Hawaii is a healing place. I don’t know how I feel about it. I may mainly associate Hawaii with stress and overwork and drain and feeling trapped. Trapped in a windowless office, on campus, on a tiny island in the ocean. A “paradise” that’s sad and drained and slowly bleeding dry and all the corals are dead.
But it’s true that I’ve changed a lot for the better since first setting my foot on Oahu a little over two years ago. When I got there I was extremely closed off, obsessed with proving myself, and thinking the right to be alive was something I needed to earn. I’ve calmed down quite drastically since then.
The last four months or so I have been discovering so many depths and layers to myself. There’s so much more of me than I could have ever imagined, like a deep blue never ending pool. I’ve been discovering so many amazing things about life lately T_T Guided journals, tarot, probiotics, and turmeric??? Bro why did all these things go unnoticed by me for so long
The mountains and the world have been stunning. I’ve been WRITING. In my guided journal and I love it so much. I love the feeling of the pen rolling over the paper.
I honestly didn’t know life could feel this way.
Now, how much the island has had to do with it, I can’t tell.
My last time playing tennis before leaving took place in the dark, because we couldn’t turn the lights on. It did make it more special, I suppose. And interesting. And hard. And fun!
Catching the sunset from the Kuliouou Ridge Trail. Highly recommend!
Bidding a final farewell to my favorite pipes I passed every day.
